we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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