Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
