He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
