I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
