hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
