i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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