I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
