My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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