When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
