He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
