He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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