Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
