my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
