you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
