I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
