Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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