Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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