THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i've created a new STD.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
