chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
