I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
