guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
