I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
