it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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