Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
