Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
