If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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