I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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