If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
