I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize