We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
