I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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