1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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