Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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