There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
