i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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