I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
did you just send me my own nude
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
