I've blown a few things in my day
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
