I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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