I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
