Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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