Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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