what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
