the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
