id be glad to
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
