Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We have started to decorate penises.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
