i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
