i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
