i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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