when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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