so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
