Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
