Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Drunk is not a location!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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