Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
