Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
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She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Be still, my beating vagina.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
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so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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