Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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