I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
