ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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