covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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