I must be too annoying 4 u.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think a kid would responsible me up
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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