Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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