so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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