everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
