why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
