____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
