im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
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