1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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