Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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